Ho ho ho ... Guess who's back?

And so I've not been writing here for some time. The busy-ness of work, domestic front and intense competition on Fantasy Football have all contributed towards the considerable lessening of my available time to blog and/or to offer thoughts on the topsy-turvy drama that the Bridge has been going through ever since the sacking of our favourite Number 16.

But if you thought I was referring to myself in the title's question, then you'd be wrong. My return to blogging after a brief hiatus is, no matter how big a deal in my own world, nothing compared to the return (hopefully) of form of Stamford Bridge's 50 million pound golden child: Fernando Torres.

Well, to say he's back 100% (to his Liverpool days) when he used to plunder and terrorize defences for fun may be a tad premature at this point. But given his recent woeful spell and barren run of around 2 years, Nando getting his name regularly on the scoresheet these days represent a glowing beacon of hope that perhaps, just perhaps, he has (finally, for the umpteenth time) turned the corner. 

Whilst he only notched a solitary goal against Villa last night when the Blues duly raped them and left them 8-0 for dead, the predatory way he took his chance and powered a beautiful header into the net to open the scoring floodgates contained flashes of his old self. There were several more moments in the game where he oozed confidence and swagger, one clearest instance being a cheeky Rabona which actually did float across the goal towards an intended recipient, only to be cleared hurriedly by a Villan defender. 

Whatever that fat, Spanish waiter is doing, it seems to be working. I'm still not a fan of Rafa and am still livid over this expensive quick-fix temp taking charge of the club, but as long as he keeps the boys in Blue free-flowing and scoring as they did last night, maybe ... just maybe, I will grudgingly give a (very, very) slight acknowledgment of his presence.

Whatever it is, it's great to finally get a Torres firing on all cylinders. What's needed now is a bit more regularity and consistency to prove that this emergence is different from his previous false dawns or starts. What is needed is a strong goalscoring run to finally bury his demons for good and remind the world that Nando is back.  

RDM Gets the Thumbs Down from Caesar

In the sandal-and-sword days of the gladiators, the triumphant and bloodied combatant would emerge from the heap of human (and sometimes animal) bones and flesh, half-dead from exhaustion and blood loss. 

His eyes would scan the hordes of screaming and baying audience, searching for that one man who would decide his fate; the Caesar. The Caesar would be perched majestically above the rest of the commoners from a vantage position, observing the bloodbath and gore of the battle beneath him. 

The Caesar would then extend his hand out and, depending on how the combatant had performed and (largely) his mood, would either motion for a thumbs up to signify his approval to the combatant's efforts at entertaining him, or a thumbs down to indicate his displeasure at the same. The former usually involves the combatant sinking to his knees in gratitude for being given a chance to live another day, whilst the latter usually involves a swift loping off his head by a menacing imperial guard standing nearby.

Times may have changed and such scenes can only be found on the silver screen and in books these days, but following the fortunes of Chelsea FC sure comes close to a throwback to such brutal days of yore. 

For starters, whilst we do not have Roman Caesars anymore, we have an even more brutal dictator in the form of Roman Abramovich, the owner. And whilst there are no accounts of Roman ever having lopped off anyone's head before (not officially, at least), in his short 9 years at the helm of the club, he has now sacked 8 managers who had worked for him. 

Champions League winning manager Roberto Di Matteo has just become (un)lucky number 8. Despite guiding a misfiring and unpredictable bunch of old fogeys into becoming improbable FA Cup and UEFA Champions League winners merely 3 months after taking over from AVB, Robbie (the moniker he affectionately earned as a Chelsea midfield dynamo) was given the swift boot out of Stamford Bridge barely 4 months into the season. 

The previous 7 managers can attest to Roman's ruthless streak. There is simply no time and place for sentiment or nostalgia as far as this Russian oligarch is concerned. For him, it's all about the results and silverware. Make no bones about it, he is neither a true football supporter nor was he ever a true fan of the club when he rolled into London with his oil money to launch his audacious bid to turn Chelsea into a global superpower. Also, he didn't rise to become the 5th richest person in Russia and 50th richest person in the world with an estimated personal fortune of 8.4 billion pounds sterling by being a nice guy with a heart of gold. 

Despite all that, many would argue that there is a method to his madness. Many would argue that despite the constant upheavals, unpredictability and bad blood that seem to permeate the Bridge, the Blues have tasted more success than even Manchester United (who, on the opposite end of the scale, have been a club that epitomises stability and continuity above all) has during Roman's tenure. This same group would also gladly point out that Arsenal, a club who had stood loyally with 1 manager throughout the past 9 years and produced a generation of gifted footballers has a barren trophy cabinet as testament to the "spend conservatively" philosophy.

So Roman is on the right track, this group of people would say. If he has the money, why shouldn't he spend it as and how he chooses, right?

Yes and no.

From Roman's perspective, what he has achieved is remarkable. He has attained success for the club and turned them from a fashionable, Continental-style playing London outfit into serious heavyweights and (recently) European champions in less than a decade into his project. As an investor, you might say that he achieved all that through shrewd, ruthless, calculated and cunning decision-making. The same killer instincts that propelled him into the world billionaire club has served well in navigating the harsh competition of the Premier League, which is fast turning into the playground of similarly super-rich tycoons. 

However, from a fan's point of view (like yours truly, for example), Chelsea's philosophy is worrying. No, wait, make that extremely worrying. Because all the trophies, silverware and dizzying collection of global superstar players and managers that have come and gone were made possible through one source only: Roman Abramovich. They were all obtained because of his initial injection of massive loads of cash and continued investment in the club. 

Any real economist worth his salt will tell you that it is an extremely risky and foolish investor who puts all his eggs in one basket, no matter how large or secure that basket may initially appear to be. This is because the investor would be standing stark naked in a highly exposed negative Black Swan environment where his entire investments and savings is but one freak event away from being completely wiped out. 

Same goes for Chelsea. What happens if Roman gets into a freak car accident and dies tomorrow? Or gets involved in some major financial debacle that reduces him to pauper level? Or what if he simply tires from playing with Chelsea and turns his attention completely in another area, let's say training Russian cycling bears. What becomes of Chelsea Football Club?

What becomes of a club so heavily in debt, with massive monthly wages to pay, with no sustainable financial model and who relies solely on the continued backing from its mega-rich owner? 

It will crumble. Surefire sales will ensue with players, coaches, managers and possibly even all the silverware plus the kitchen sink having to go to auction in bids to stave off administration. Even if the club miraculously survives administration or going belly up, its position as a footballing force would drop faster than Drogba after a nasty tackle. Chelsea as we know it will cease to exist and we would either be looking at a Leeds United, Portsmouth or Rangers FC type situation. 

This is why, as a fan, winning the Champions League last season felt more like a relief rather than ecstatic joy. This was because I thought, finally the owner has gotten what he truly craves, the Holy Grail. The owner has won almost all important trophies he could possibly win and he has proven to all doubters that his money can indeed buy success.

With that, I was hoping that he would then shift his philosophy into building a dynasty. I was hoping that having conquered all and sundry through instant cash injection, Roman would now aim his sights on perhaps slowly turning Chelsea into a self-sustaining, profit-making institution. It would take time but it is achievable. Perhaps divert more money into building a first grade youth academy, hiring top coaches at the youth level, investing in youth scouting network, slowly trimming the excess fat from the first team, spending wisely in the transfer market and generally dropping a penny or two more into the piggy bank rather than raiding it come every January and summer. As for the first team, forge a stable, core group of young players under a long-term manager to foster a new team spirit and challenge for honours without too many drastic marquee signings every summer.

Well, Roman has clearly thrown all that out of the window with the sacking of RDM and installation of Rafa Benitez as new gaffer. It's not because I rate RDM so highly as a manager. No, it's more because of the timing of the sacking; coming just after RDM had encountered his first blip of his first season in charge sends a chilling message that Roman still has his pedal to the metal and is driving the club at breakneck pace towards success (or at least his vision of it). 

Welcome to the Chelsea show where it's non-stop drama, twists, turns and upheavals year after year. A show that's been going on for 9 seasons and it doesn't look like it will be slowing down anytime soon. We're Chelsea and we're the pantomime villain of the EPL. If football is pro wrestling, Chelsea has made playing the heel character its own. Benitez may be the first twist of this season but certainly will not be the last. We may get Falcao for a king's ransom in January. We may even get Neymar come summer. We may fight off City to land Pep as manager next season. Hell, we may even go for the jugular by luring the Prodigal Son to return to London. 

Amidst all the madness, one thing's for certain: doing all of the above would involve pumping silly amounts of cash into the game. Loads of cash which Chelsea as a club does not have. Loads of cash which could only come from the personal bank vault of Chelsea's very own modern day Caesar.

Like him or loathe him, the Chelsea empire has one ruler and one philosophy only. Hail Roman.

3 Ways to Solve the Torres Problem

Madrid (Atletico), we have a problem. 

It would appear that Chelsea is currently sending out an S.O.S. to Atletico in the form of an audacious swoop for arguably Europe's hottest striker at the moment, Falcao. And, if my sources are to be believed, this is going to be a done deal way before the January transfer window opens. 

All this because a certain 50 million pound ex-Atletico golden boy has been misfiring of late ('late' here carrying a definition of being the past 2 years).

If (or when) Torres does go, it would be a shame. This is because I genuinely like Nando as a striker. Even from his Liverpool days. On his day, he can strike the fear of God into any of the game's best centrebacks (ask Vidic) with his burst of pace, turnings and killer instinct. 

However, most Chelsea fans have been waiting patiently for such a day to arrive. This is because Torres has simply not been performing, whether as against his old standards or even an average striker of today's game. Only the most myopic (or blind) of Chelsea fans would not be alarmed at the number of games he has registered without registering his name in the goal column. 

For a striker of his stature, reputation and price, his returns have not been encouraging. And hence, us now facing the very real prospect of him being sold at cut-price as a flop to fund the transfer kitty for a red-hot Colombian. 

All hope is not lost yet. There are still a couple of gameweeks till January. Still enough time for Nando to make the last few days of 2012 really count. Perhaps even change Roman's mind about selling him. It's going to be a (really really) long shot, but still a shot. 

Thus, if I was in the position to be giving Torres (or RDM or Roman) some personal advice, here would be 3 ways the Torres conundrum can be solved: 

(1) Lose Weight

At first I thought it was just me, or that someone had accidentally set my TV graphics setting to Wide mode, but after seeing other players on the same screen, I began to realise that Nando has been looking more and more chunky of late.

The Torres of old at Liverpool was fast, nippy and had the physique of someone who was tough but yet nimble and agile. Today's Torres looks like he couldn't even chase an ice-cream truck. I don't know what the dietitians or fitness coaches at Chelsea are doing (or not doing), but they certainly do not seem to be earning their keep judging by Torres' physique.

Perhaps RDM thought the best way to replace the battering ram Drogba was to recreate another bulky, bruising centreforward by transforming a once lithe, agility-based player like Nando into a hulking centre-forward. Well, it's not working. A far simpler option already exists, and that is to recall the Belgian beast, aka Lukaku, back from his loan at West Brom. 

Torres's whole game is (or was) built on searing pace and catching defenders and keepers napping with darting, strong runs and sublime finishing. When he bulks up, he loses almost 50% of the ingredients of what made him such a feared forward in the first place. 

So the message I would give Nando and everyone else monitoring his physical progress at Chelsea: STOP giving him the protein shakes or cut back on the paellas and start him on an all-vege-and-fruits diet. Torres needs to trim the excess fat, increase the tempo of his core and explosiveness exercises and generally get back to his once-agile frame in order to gain 50% of his old game back.

(2) Stop Trying To Defend

Many a times this season I've seen Torres as far back down the centre line trying to win the ball back and making horrendous tackles. Torres, or whoever is in charge of tactical discipline at Chelsea, must remember that he is a centreforward, NOT a midfielder. Torres must STOP dropping too deep and getting involved (and wasting precious stamina) on harrying the opposition from building up their game. 

Torres should stop trying to make Mikel and Ramires redundant because they are the ones who should be closing down the midfield and winning back balls. Torres should instead learn to just hang around the shoulder of the last defender or actively mess about with his opponent's backlines by just constantly moving across their back four.

There's a reason why sometimes strikers or attacking midfielders do that. They sense their position being challenged (when they're off form or rarely given a start) and they take every single game minute as an opportunity to show the gaffer, fans and owner that they are committed to the cause and will fight hard for their jobs. Essentially, he knows he ain't scoring so psychologically, his subconscious figures that he must contribute in some other (unwanted) way to keep his place in the squad. Sadly, all this dropping deep and getting involved in midfield is Torres's attempt to keep his job. 

Wrong strategy if you ask me. This is because when he's wasting too much energy trying to win balls, he's not in prime attacking positions and he is not a natural distributor. As such, it is akin to a sales person (with low sales figures) desperately trying to keep his job by attempting to repair broken photocopy machines, make coffee for the CEO or try to balance the company books.

Don't.

Just focus and do what you've been paid to do. Score goals. Get into attacking positions. Always be there when the opportunity arises. And then pounce. 

Which brings us to my next and final solution ...

(3) Start Being More Selfish

He has to start being more selfish. All the great strikers are selfish. They rarely give away an opportunity at a strike just because another teammate is running into a good position. 

Of late, due to his lack of confidence, Torres has been trying to set up play, create assists and pass the ball sideways when he should be slamming and taking shots from all around and inside the box. Again, this is an issue of confidence (or the lack thereof) where he does not dare to take too many shots for fear of failing but instead preferring to set up teammates so that the final buck (if the chance doesn't get converted) does not stop with him.

The only way Torres can get out of a barren scoring run is to score more. The only way to score more is to take more shots. The only way to take more shots is to hog opportunities and STOP giving it away. He should STOP trying those nifty little backheel passes, one touch set-ups or constantly scouring the forward line for a Mata or Hazard to run onto his pass. Instead, he should channel all the focus of a guided missile towards the goal and only the goal. 

He should learn that it is OK to be occasionally cursed and sworn at by your teammates (and fans) as long as you elicit delirious celebration and cheers from them when you do score from your numerous selfish shots on target (as rat-face Suarez). 

SUMMARY

Nando, if you're reading this, the above tips may save your Chelsea career. No matter how exciting the prospect of having Falcao line up for us may be, I have my faith and support in you. Follow the 3 tips above and you'll at least get the chance to ensure Falcao isn't a 100% starter. 

Immediate Reaction: Right Clatter at the Bridge

It was billed as Match of the Day, and quite rightly so. Top drawer, box office superstars of football's elite from two of the top three best footballing sides in England locked horns last night. High octane, attacking verve and dizzying skills were written all over it. 

And the players did not disappoint. It was a cracker of a match. This morning's papers ought to have been awash with praises and superlatives for RVP's superb marksmanship or Mata's beautiful curler of a freekick or the sheer roller-coaster of dominance shown by United and Chelsea in turns. 

Sadly, that was not the case. Instead, all the papers, blogs, tweets, online editorials and articles were talking about one man only. 

Him:

United started the game flying, racing to a 2-0 lead through an own goal by David Luiz and then a superbly taken first-time shot from RVP after some fine work by Valencia down the right flank. Chelsea slowly awoke from their slumber and made amends. Firstly, a freekick awarded after Rooney had hacked down a mazy Hazard run was promptly rewarded through Juan Mata, who showcased how to exquisitely bend a classy freekick around the United wall and just out of De Gea's reach. 2-1 to United going into halftime. 

After the break, Chelsea came out stronger, building up play with intricate passes by the sumptuous trio of Hazard-Mata-Oscar and were promptly rewarded with a forceful Ramires header from a Mata to Oscar to back to the six yard box cross. 

With the game delicately balanced at 2-2, it was anything goes. United stepped up their gear and begun their customary deadly counter-attacks whilst Chelsea ebbed and flowed their way towards a winner. It was nervy, it was exciting. Both sets of fans was poised for a nail-biting finish. For the neutrals, it was great entertainment. Good football, lots of goals and now a possible race to a winning goal had beckoned.

Enter Mark Clattenburg. First, he gave a straight red to Ivanovic for a clumsy trip on Ashley Young. 

As a Chelsea fan, it would have been easy to claim that Ivanovic was clumsily trying to avoid Young whilst the wily United winger had (as usual) made a meal out of any minimal contact. However, in all objectivity, it was perhaps a cruel but justified red. As the last defender, any contact to your opponent and the goal is deemed as a denial of a clear goal-scoring opportunity. So whilst it may have been a tad harsh, it was probably a decision most other referees would have taken as well. 

However, Mark's 2nd big contribution to United came at the expense of El Nino, who had been having a busy yet non-prolific afternoon thus far. Admittedly, Torres does come with a reputation for being a diver (plus he's Spanish), but when Johnny Evans left a leg trailing against Nando in full flight, majority (including Evans himself) thought that a foul (and perhaps a caution) would be given in Chelsea's favour. Horror turned to shock turned to disgust when he proceeded to give Torres a second yellow for play-acting, which meant Torres was off.

With 10 men against 11, Chelsea still may have been able to pull off a draw or perhaps even snatch a late winner. But once reduced to 9 men, the game was essentially over. No team stands a chance when they're outnumbered by 2 whole players. Especially more so against United. 

From then on, the football match ended and the farce began. Players from both sides began losing control with Obi Mikel, Ramires, Ashley Cole and David Luiz fortunate to still be playing after getting into questionable scraps with United players. Rooney too had looked to be boiling and had to be taken off after getting cautioned for a meaty challenge. 

Clattenburg's man-of-the-match performance was capped with a brilliant award of a goal to United when substitute Chicarito poked at a loose ball at close range when he was clearly in an offside position. 

Missiles and abuses were hurled from the terraces and scenes at the Bridge descended into chaos as the game entered its final stretch. The night ended with a controversial 3-2 win for United and everyone felt robbed of watching how a great contest of footballing skills would have ended in its natural course.

In all honesty, it was still anybody's game at 2-2. I wouldn't have been surprised if United would have mustered up yet another thrilling-yet-customary United late winner and took all 3 points back to Manchester with great pride and dignity. 

But we will never be able to answer that question now, thanks to Mark. The question has become moot. Instead, thanks to the bumbling ineptitude of one of the game's most card-happy refs, this game will always be remembered as "The One Which United Won against 9 Men and an Offside Goal". 

To clarify, this post is in no way trying to steal any glory from a United win. A win is still a win.  This post is also not a bumbling justification for Chelsea's first loss of the season. They had played badly in the first half and did not seem cohesive between attack and defence. A loss would have been deserved.

This post, however, is interested in pointing out a blindingly obvious observation only: that bad refereeing decisions cost the fans and players more than just the mere 3 points. Too much attention nowadays is given to stopping racism, play-acting, disrespect, dirty tackles, etc., that we sometimes forget that for the players to respect the game, perhaps the governing bodies should first keep its house in order by ridding itself of refereeing buffoons such as Clatternburg. It would be a shame (and indeed an embarrassment) to the FA if Mark Clattenburg is allowed to officiate another match again. It is time for the FA to show it means business by throwing the rule book at Clatternburg. 

Usually when Chelsea take on United, one can always be guaranteed of an explosive match of deafening proportions. Last night, the only sounds to be heard at the Bridge were the clatterings of a bumbling match official. Let's hope this will be last of squeaks that can be heard on any footballing pitch from now on. 

Hopes of Defending Euro Trophy Shakhtared

In what was to be their first real major loss of the season, Chelsea's hopes of defending the Champions League trophy this season took a battering with a 2-1 defeat to Shaktar Donetsk last night. 

A quickfire Alex Texeira goal in the 4th minute barely before the game settled gave Shaktar the lead, followed by another through Fernandinho in the 2nd half ensured that Oscar's consolation meant nought as our boys face the reality of having to win at least 2 of their last 3 games in order to advance past the group stages. 

Admittedly, we didn't play too badly. However, we didn't actually click or get into rhythm throughout the entire game. It was one of those nights where the intense battle on the park was to be decided by taking all your chances well and converting them. Chelsea did not.

No alarm bells to be rung yet, though. Chelsea's season is still pretty much going on track despite this little speed bump in the Donbass Arena. I personally feel we have enough quality to pull through at least to the knockout phase. By then, the nucleus and shape of this team should have settled and we'd see how the new-look Chelsea fares amongst Europe's elite.

On the domestic front, what can I say? 22 points out of a possible 24 means we are currently sitting pretty on top of the pile with the 2 Manchester clubs chasing. We have played 2 testing derby fixtures against Arsenal and Spurs, and walked away with 3 points each in the bag. 

This weekend, however, sees a true test of our mettle and will be a good indicator as to how genuine is Chelsea's chase for the Premier League title going to be as Man Utd beckons.

Fortunately, we're catching United at a time when they are facing injury problems and a leaking backline but they're still Man Utd. At their worst, they are already highly competitive and never know when they're beaten. When they're on form, they can tear any team apart with ease.  

At this point in time, with Rooney regaining his form and relishing life a little deeper in midfield, RvP showing why Sir Alex forked out so much dosh to lure him over from the Emirates, it does look like the Chelsea backline will be in for a real test of character and pressure.

I expect it to be a very tight affair, with perhaps very little separating the two. I am plumping for a Chelsea win though. And this time, I predict Hazard putting in an inspiring performance to show why he was the brightest star to have left Ligue 1 in recent times.

So bring on the Devils.

Papering Over Cracks

No, the title above is not slang for a type of hobby usually done in men's prisons (that's for another type of blog). 

It is instead an English idiom meaning "hastily covering up some fault or weakness with makeshift solutions", a situation Chelsea currently find themselves in danger of doing. 

2 wins in 2 matches, one against a top-4 contender in the BPL and one more against a Danish side in the Champions League, what the hell are you talking about, I hear you say.

Well, that is exactly what may happen if Chelsea get carried away with the scoreline (and 3 points each) rather than taking a cold, hard and objective look at those games (and the underlying problems present in both).

Whilst a 2-1 victory against Arsenal at the Emirates and a 4-0 trashing of Nordsjaelland away at their home turf sounds great on paper, only a fan watching those games with Blue-tinted specs would not notice that they did not play well.

In summary: Torres could have had a hatful of goals over those games but only scored 1. Both goals against Arsenal came on a gift-plate when the Gunners momentarily forgotten how defending against set-pieces work. Despite playing against a team from a relatively weaker league, Chelsea could only muster 1 goal and made to sweat 79 minutes before getting their 3 more in the last 10 minutes of proceedings. 

Admittedly too, they seem to be still enjoying their slice of last season's good fortune, as Lady Luck appeared in both games wearing a Samsung kit. But as history has shown, Lady Luck is a committment-phobe and a serial polygamist. One minute cavorting in your bed, the next she could be frolicking happily with your neighbour. 

When that happens, the fear is that Chelsea's inability to close down a game and dominate it may prove to be their undoing. 8 games into a season with fresh faces brought in is still considered the "adjusting" period. However, RDM must seriously work at getting over this period as fast as he can and weave the Blues into a dominating, fluid unit capable of winning games with or without Lady Luck. 

Let us hope they find that rhythm and click sooner than their luck runs out. Only then can we look back and sigh with relief that the damn piece of paper has covered the crack quite well. 

After the 5 Game Mark

So Gameweek 5 of the BPL had just been done and over with. 

Not too bad a start to the season, I would say. 5 games in and we're sitting at the top of the pile. Of course this has to be tampered with the fact that save for Newcastle, we've been facing relatively easier opponents (no offence to the like of Stoke's, QPRs, Wigan's or Readings). And, we all know that the season ends only next May. 

Nonetheless, a good headstart bodes well for a good campaign. We just need to sustain the momentum and ensure the squad is kept fresh and hungry for the long road ahead. So after 5 games, here are some thoughts to chew on:

The Positives

We seem to have shored up defensively, keeping a tight backline and eliminating the calamitous defending that became the hallmark of our rearguard last season. Whilst still not vintage Mourinho-style shutouts, the couple of gritty 1-0 wins have shown that we are ready to bunker up and put up a solid wall when the need arises.

Encouraging signs also from some of the new signings. Eden Hazard had a flying start and has shown that he can be the next Zola. True, he has slowed down a bit in the last couple of games but that's because he is being compared to his 11 out of 10 performance in the first 2-3 games. 

Oscar has also shown that his flair and creative verve may be the added dimension to Chelsea's play this season. 

Victor Moses offers pace, skill and width to the game. Lucas Piazon, Ryan Bertrand and Oriol Romeu are slowly coming of age and when Marko Marin fully becomes match-fit, our options in attack are abound. 

In terms of defence, David Luiz has been showing a little bit more restraint and maturity, whilst Cahill is growing in stature to be a bona fide replacement for Terry when Captain Marvel's retirement comes (which may be very soon).  

Also, despite not playing well or dictating play in a couple of matches, we have managed to grind out the results and get maximum points. Some have said before that this is a trait of champions and by the look of things, these are encouraging signs. 

The Negatives

There is this feeling that something special is still lacking. Call it a slow start or call it "gelling period", but there is this gut feeling that the team has yet to truly click. The plays and attacks does not ebb and flow organically like a cohesive unit yet, rather they resemble a patchwork of individual contributors stringing together their skills. It may work, sometimes, but there's still this sneaky suspicion that once opponents find a way to mark out certain players or block out certain routes, there may be no Plan B. Fluidity is the key here, and we don't seem to have it yet.

I also don't think we the old Fernando Torres is truly back. Yet. I know I have been his biggest advocate and I've earmarked this season as one where he will finally deliver the goods but based on these 5 games, it appears very touch-and-go. He's been scoring but not regularly enough. He's scored 1 or 2 really good ones but missed complete sitters also. At the moment, he infuriates as much as he excites. 

It's frustrating because you know he has genuine quality, poacher's instinct and skills to make things happen yet seeing him fumble his lines or run into a dead-wall situation time and again because of nerves, lack of confidence or a combo of both. His problems may emanate more from a psychological reason rather than form or playing opportunity. Whatever it is, RDM had better come up with a solution soon. Or alternatively, bring in another striker who can provide competition and replace Nando when he hits a bad patch. 

Summary

September is still too early in the campaign to suggest ringing in any drastic moves or making any wholesale changes yet. 

However, if RDM wants to fine-tune the Blues machinery, at this juncture he needs to:

(1) solve the Torres-confidence/form issue through either psychological / hypnotic help.

(2) alternatively, get a cheaper, 2nd grade but prolific, bread-and-butter striker in by January. Someone in the mould of Steven Fletcher or Demba Ba or Rickie Lambert type. Someone who wouldn't mind playing second fiddle to El Nino but who can be relied upon to find the net in those gritty, tough-tackling games against the likes of West Ham or Stoke. 

(3) slowly ease Terry and Lamps out of the squad (though I think this is what he is already doing) without making the drop too drastic / disrespectful / hurtful to their big egos. Instead, move them more towards the Ryan Giggs / Paul Scholes role of the experienced old head in the squad whose contributions come more in training and the dressing room.

(4) imbue the team with a new 'style' of play. RDM has got to quickly figure out the best shape / type of play most suitable to the new batch of skillful players he has. He must then quickly fashion a system of play which optimizes their abilities and get them used to it. He must also find a Plan B and C for that system and get them used to switching systems at ease depending on the situation. 

Well, let's see how things pan out also now that the Champions League group stages are in full swing together with League Cup (now called Capital One Cup if I'm not mistaken), FA Cup and Club World Cup. 

On another note, farewell and thanks for the memories to Captain John Terry from the international football scene. He has given blood, sweat and tears (all 3 literally) for the 3 Lions and he has never shirked from a single tackle, elbow or wild kick when donning both the Chelsea blue or the England kit. To see a man-lion call time on his illustrious (and controversial) career amidst (or rather because of) the whole racism inquiry seems a tad ungrateful for this lad from Barking who epitomises the English spirit far better than any of his current colleagues have. 

John Terry, whatever the outcome of the enquiry, you are still and always will be a Chelsea and England leader amongst men. 

 

He's Back!

If there was ever any doubt as to whether the once Golden Boy of both Atletico and Liverpool would be back to his rip-roaring best, last night's game against the Geordies affirmed the answer. 

Flicks, backheels, speedy darts in and out of the box and a powerfully precise toe-poke gave us a glimpse of why the Big Boss Man felt it worthy to shell out 50 million quid for the Spaniard's services.

After more than a year of languishing in the shadows of Drogba with a hefty price tag, loss of form, disappearance of confidence and the general cloud of misfortune that seemed to have followed him to every ground in England, the Torres of old is finally emerging like a phoenix from the ashes.

He's Torres and he knows it (sung to the tune of 'Sexy And I Know It')

But before we get our panties in a twist, let's not overlook the cracks too. His once searing pace has not quite fully returned, his touch is still a micro-second heavier than previously and he still makes the odd stray pass or wayward shot. Cumulatively, I would say his game is still 25% short of his Kop heydays. But compared to last year, he has probably upped his game by about 60%. And the goals and assists don't lie. 

If the last few games, beginning from the end of last season, are any indicators to go by, it would appear that we shall soon bear witness to the return of my personal favourite striker of this generation.

So cmon Nando, ride on this form and go on a red-hot scoring streak to show RVP, Tevez & Co. what it takes to be the best gunslinger in the league.

  

2012 / 2013 Predictions

Ahhh, the beginning of the season. Always my favourite time of the year. After being away for quite some time, I've rejuvenated my senses and raring to go with some bold predictions which (I hope) will hold some water come May 2013.

So without further ado, here we go:

Breakout Performer of the Season: Oscar

To most people, it appears to be a toss-up between either Santi Carzola of Arsenal, Kagawa of United or Hazard of Chelsea. I'm going to put my money on Oscar of Chelsea. Many are saying the Brazilian wonderkid may wilt in the pressure of the EPL but I think he has enough skills and pedigree to set the Premier League alight.

Other contenders in this category would be Ben Arfa of Newcastle, Sigurdsson of Spurs and Junior Hoillet of QPR.

Big Name Flop of the Season a.k.a. the Torres of 2010/2011 Award : Robin Van Persie

Yes, it's a controversial choice but I'm going with my gut feeling to say that RVP will find it extremely normal and unsettling being a regular fish in a big pond as opposed to his former role of big fish in the small pond at the Emirates. Factor in his injury proneness (which is bound to happen big time this season considering he was fit all of last season) and the fact that Rooney is younger, more dynamic and has something to prove after a lukewarm last season, I think RVP may be in danger of becoming another Berbatov. He will (as he always does) find the net once in a while, and maybe pop in the occasional important goal, but his effectiveness will be nowhere near his heady Arsenal days of yore. 

Highest Position Out of the Newly Promoted Teams: West Ham

Never write off Big Sam's teams. They may be harder to watch than Stoke City away, but they are always solid, hard to break down and difficult to play against on a cold rainy day (i.e. every other day in England). Couple that to the fact that among the 3 promoted teams, the Hammers have been the one who most recently was mixing it up with the big boys (as recent as 10 years ago), I would put my money on West Ham achieving mid-table safety. 

Most Exciting Team to Watch: Newcastle

Last season they were the breakout team of the league. This season, Pardew has not only (at the time of writing) retained the core of his swashbucklers, but strengthened them with exciting, dynamic acquisitions (including, as of today, Anita and possibly Debuchy). Combining the solid backline marshalled by Coloccini, with a steady Krul between the sticks, with midfield solidity of Tiote, classy playmaking of Cabaye and unpredictable wizardry of Ben Arfa and with the firepower of Ba and Cisse, I tip Newcastle to play good football and maybe even push for Champions League spot this season. 

Top Assist: David Silva 

Despite the contingent of stars at the Etihad, it's hard to see past this diminutive Spaniard as the fulcrum of City's attack. With a deft touch and brilliant vision, I tip Silva to edge out Mata, Hazard and Kagawa in terms of racking up assists.

Golden Boot: Sergio Aguero

With Rooney and RVP both in the same team, it is unlikely either of them will land the coveted top scorer's prize (unless, very highly unlikely, United outperforms everyone with each bagging 30 a season). 

This leaves Aguero as the only genuine week-in, week-out favourite to land this prize. Though close in second place, I would place Fernando Torres (yes, the one they called flop up to few months ago) because of reasons set out in the category below.

The Jesus Christ Back From The Dead Award: Fernando Torres

This could possibly be the season that makes or breaks El Nino. With Drogba gone, and by spending more than 1 season already at the Bridge, there is no reason for Torres not to perform. Score anything less than 15 goals and he would be deemed an expensive flop. Judging by the way he seems to be slowly regaining his touch and magic that once made him a Kop legend, I think this may be the season we see the resurrection of Torres in the colour blue. With him, one gets the feeling that he always needs to feel loved and needed in order to perform. He was the Golden Boy of Atletico and thereafter somewhat the Golden Boy of Liverpool. So to come to Chelsea amidst a hefty price tag to find that he is just a normal Boy must have sapped his confidence and ability to find the net. But he seems to have put his troubles behind him (hopefully) and this may be his season. I won't be surprised if Torres becomes a front runner for Golden Boot if he can put together a run of good games and get his form on fire.

EPL Winner: Chelsea

Wow, big surprise, someone on a Chelsea blog predicting Chelsea to win the title, I hear you say. Going by conventional logic, it's either United or City as everyone's picks. City are undoubtedly rock-solid, going into the season with pretty much every single one who played a part in their title-winning season of last. United seems to have beefed up their attacking potential by landing gifted playmaker Shinji Kagawa and landing the red-hot top scorer of last season Van Persie. 

However, I predict City's focus will be geared more towards Europe this season. This may prove a distraction to their squad who, despite having several solid big names, appears somewhat lightweight in terms of their 2nd team. As for United, they may have all the firepower in the world, but a non-consistent back four, with an unpredictable keeper, injury-prone and ageing centrebacks and no real midfield enforcer makes me think that there could be the odd upsets when faced against teams who put them on the back pedal.

Amidst all that, it may come to no surprise if a dark horse like Chelsea mount a strong challenge against the Mancunian superpowers. The pertinent task facing Di Matteo now would be getting his alchemy right in blending the attacking threat of Hazard, Oscar, Mata and Marin to dovetail with Torres into an effective, fluid, goal-getting machine. He then needs to stabilize and build a back four consisting of Cole-Luiz-Cahill-Ivanovic. Yes, you read that right. No place for JT there. He's been a great servant to the club, a man mountain and a real inspirational leader, no doubt. But it's equally undoubtable that he has neither the pace nor the legs to carry him that extra yard when it becomes necessary to do so. Terry should be slowly phased into coaching or more managerial role whilst being used sparingly as a cover, when Luiz sits out an inevitable suspension period or as a 3rd defender when protecting an important lead. If RDM can convince his Captain to willingly accept this role, then the backline should be able to cope with the rigours of a title-bid. 

The squad looks to have some strength in depth, with players such as Essien, Sturridge, Mikel, Bertrand, Hutchinson, Lucas Piazon and Oriol Romeu looking all set to play supporting roles. However, if RDM really wants to push for honours, he needs maybe 2-3 more utility-type players to freshen up the squad when the fixtures start getting congested. 

Curtain's Up

Ladies and gents, buckle up your seatbelts. That moment you've all been salivating over and anticipating like giddy schoolgirls since 13 May 2012, is right at our doorstep. And, given the amount of transfer drama that has unfolded over the summer, it looks likely to be a smashing season.

Come tomorrow, the English Premier League season 2012 / 2013 kicks-off in all its hype and glory. Men everywhere in the world, rejoice and reclaim that weekend spot in front of your television sets. Women everywhere, it's time to catch up on all your Korean dramas or rom-coms on your laptops. 

How will this season deliver then? Whilst I doubt that anything can quite beat the sheer climax of season 2011 / 2012's heart-stopping injury time equaliser by Dzeko followed quickly by Kun's winning goal that snatched the title away from the jaws of United at literally the last minute of the season, this coming season has all the ingredients for the making of a vintage.

The arrival of big names with bigger reputations to fill like Hazard, Oscar, Santi Cazorla, Kagawa and Podolksi offers the opportunity for the big boys to shake up the order of dominance in the league. So too would the big money transfers like RVP to United should whet our appetite in anticipation of whether him and Rooney could form the most fearsome strikeforce in the land. 

Managers too have a thing or two to prove, especially in the case of Brendan Rodgers and whether he can turn Liverpool into a fashionable, fluid, tiki-taka unit, whether AVB can shake off the tag of overrated prodigy who failed at the big time with Spurs, whether Paul Lambert can imbue Villa with a new sense of attacking nous and whether Pardew can keep Newcastle ticking as surprise dark horse and everyone's favourite second team. 

Amidst all the hoopla surrounding the big boys, there is also the added drama of seeing whether the 3 new boys of Reading, Southampton and West Ham can replicate the success of their predecessors of season 2011 / 2012 in staying up and punching above their weight. Or how about predicting which 3 teams will find themselves in a relegation mudscrap come the end of the season.

Wherever your allegiances lie and whichever drama tickles your fancy, this season's EPL has the genuine capacity to sizzle like never before. It's been an interesting summer of sporting spectacle; beginning with the nerve-wrecking final day of last season, to Chelsea's underdog-overcoming-all-odds to being crowned champions of Europe, to the exciting Euro 2012 competition and finally ending with a bang in the form of a great Olympics that has just ended. 

The kick-off of the season represents a new dawn. A new beginning to what should be a great season of football. 

So sit back, hold tight, quickly put in all your last minute bets and predictions in ... and open your arms to the beginning of the greatest league in the world tomorrow.

Let the games begin.

Jiggling Balls

Quick question: What do these women below have in common?

If you answered swimsuit models or Playboy pinups or Digital Underground's latest recruits, you are wrong (but forgiven).

The actual answer would be: women footballers.

Yes, it's time to discard the old stereotype of the butch, square-jawed, short-haired dyke who could bench-press you and your mate together as the image of the woman footballer. Just like the regular men's football has churned out its fair share of Cristianos, Beckhams and Tottis, the fairer sex has of late seen an emerging number of hotties ditching the traditional lipstick and heels for sports bra and boots. 

Of course you still have your fair share  of butch, square-jawed, short haired dykes who could bench-press you and your mate still in the game, but the sheer amount of gorgeous beauties who can run, shoot, dribble and tackle certainly makes the sport easier to watch.

And that is why, surprisingly, the sport that I have found myself watching the most during 2012's edition of the Olympics is Women's Football.

My favourite of the lot would have to be Brazil's Erika Cristiano Dos Santos.

it's no wonder why they call it the Beautiful Game.


p.s. - yes, Erika was up there too in the series of non-football-y pictures of football hotties earlier in this article. She's the one with the perky bubble butt in black-and-white striped bikini. 

Hiatus

What a refreshing few weeks it has been to have gone on an EPL hiatus and writing break.

I briefly toyed with the idea of churning out posts to cover Euro 2012, which has incidentally come and gone, but decided otherwise due to hectic personal (read: wedding preparations) reasons. Which was a good thing on hindsight, as I would've struggled to match the excitement and drama of my posts with the actual action on the pitch in Poland and Ukraine. 

It was a fantastic Euro. One of the best (as far as my memory of Euros) I've witnessed. Perhaps it was because I had gotten accustomed to the notion that Euro competitions tend to be boring, safe and monotonous affairs, due to the lack of wildcard African teams, entertaining South American outfits or the raw naive dynamism of Asian teams. This Euro threw my preconceptions out of the window as we were entertained to close to a month of thrilling action, splendid goals and overall great quality of football.

Well done, Spain, for being arguably the best team of this era, and playing almost unplayable football at times. Kudos too to Germany, who apart from their customary semifinal collapse, gave us a glimpse of the new brand of German attacking football which could, possibly, be the only system in the world capable of beating the Spaniards (although we never got to find that out as they lost to the plucky underdog Italians).   Special mention goes out to the efforts of Portugal and Italy, who played their respective roles in ensuring the competition was never short of quality or silky skills.

Congrats too, to favourite son Nando Torres, who scored and created a goal in the finals AND won the Golden Boot of the tournament. How quickly things can change in half a year. Torres himself would've scoffed if someone had suggested back in January that come July, he would have scored a winning goal against Barca in a Champs League semifinal, become an European Cup champion, lift the English FA Cup, followed by a summer spree of winning the Euro 2012 and bagging the individual Golden Boot award. 50 million flop, I hear? Tsk tsk...

Well, with Euro done and over with, it's just a matter of fine-tuning for the pre-season before the new season begins. With Hazard already brought into the fold and, I am made to understand, close to capturing the precocious talent of Brazilian playmaker Oscar, things look quite promising for the new season. 

And so, with a stretch and warm up, I'm ready to go. EPL season 2012-2013, please come quick. 

The Special Ones

Jose Mourinho has firmly earned his place in footballing folklore as The Special One. 

But many a Chelsea fan who had been following the topsy-turvy fortunes of the team in recent times would gladly correct you that quite apart from Jose, there exists a select group of battle-hardened veterans within the squad that deserve the moniker The Special Ones. 

Enter JT, Lamps, Cashley, Cech and The Drog.

Or better known as The Famous Five.

   

 

Ever since Roman Abramovich announced his arrival into English football with the intention to create a Chelsea era of domination in Europe, the above quintet have been the spine, heartbeat and spirit of the team. Many other players have come and gone with varying degrees of effectiveness for the Blue Machine, but it was this core who gave shape to the team which took 9 years in the making. 

For 9 long years since his arrival, the one elusive trophy which the Russian oligarch wanted more than anything in the world stayed just out of his reach. The list of managers who have come to much fanfare and gone amidst an unceremonious boot-up-the-arse when the big boss man's patience ran out reads like a list of who's who in the world of football gaffers. The list of players he had assembled reads like a football trading card game premier gold pack. Yet the Champions League seemed destined to evade him...

And so it would seem, at the beginning of this year, that the quest for the Holy Grail would once more turn out to be an unsuccessful outing in Europe. The supposed heir-apparent to the Special One lost the plot (and dressing room) and the team was in shambles. Their 50 million quid striker still could not find his scoring boots on most weekends. Points were being dropped at lesser opponents and they were getting their asses whooped by their contemporaries.  

As for the Famous Five, they were no spring chickens. Each had come under increasing criticisms for the creaking bones and waning influnece and one of them was once again, for the umpteenth year running, a leading contender for most vilified English player in the country. Or at least in the Ferdinand household. 

No fan (including yours truly) would have wagered a bet on this dysfunctional unit even stepping into the Allianz Arena on May 19, much less win the goddamn thing.

But not many fans (including yours truly again) would have predicted the sort of impact the caretaker manager Roberto Di Matteo (or RDM, for ease of reference) would have. He would probably be classified as a special one back in his day as a cool, cultured and deadly midfield general.

  

The Special One of 1997 and now 2012

How ironic then that it would take the The Special One of the pre-Roman era to rejuvenate the Special Ones of today, and by implication lifted the game of the rest of the team, into ending this season with a bang. A big bang it was alright. 

Speed seems to be a recurrent motif in RDM's Chelsea life. He scored the fastest goal in FA Cup history to land Chelsea the biggest Cup in England back in '97. Today, his 3 months plus tenure in charge of Chelsea is arguably the fastest time any manager in history (I stand corrected) took to land the FA Cup and the Champions League. 

Some say it was down to his motivational abilities. Some say it was his quiet, yet efficient way of getting things done. Some say he got his tactics right. Yet many say it was all down to pure dumb luck. Whatever, man. We do not care. He has landed the European Cup. 

The landing of the Cup has many advantages besides the obvious financial (and reputation) related reasons. With the Cup firmly in his grasp, Roman's obsession has been satiated. He can now stop with all the constant hiring-and-firing of managers just to land the Cup and instead, concentrate on building a sustainable, well-developed team for a long-haul dominance. It is hoped that a period of stability will now permeate SW6. 

More importantly, the landing of the Cup represents an opportunity for the Famous Five to make their graceful exits at the top. Already one of them has waved his goodbye to much tears from the Stamford Bridge faithful. Didier has, in scoring the decisive leveller and then burying the last spot kick, etched his name firmly as a living Chelsea giant and legend. Whatever he does in future (which probably involves Shanghai at some point), he can go with the satisfaction of knowing that his name will forever echo in the hallowed halls of the Bridge.

It is time too, for the remaining 4 to slowly ease away. Terry seems to be destined for a role in the club at some point in future, be it coach, manager or even ambassador. With the Cup won, there is nothing more to prove and he can perhaps concentrate on being the wise, guiding presence in the dressing room and on the field (sporadically) to groom the next generation of the backline. Ashley Cole has laid to rest any doubts that he is probably the best leftback of this generation. Perhaps when his pace deserts him, he can adopt a less active role and assist Terry in being the experienced head in the squad.

As for Lamps, it is not hard to picture him going down the Ryan Giggs or Paul Scholes route. Playing perhaps once a fortnight, he can be the calm, assured presence in the middle of the park when games require such a player to be picked, whilst guiding and teaching the younger crop of midfielders what it takes to don the famous Blue shirt. Cech, being a keeper, has arguably a longer shelf life at the top of the game. With probably 1 or 2 more seasons left max, he can concentrate on being the master to the upcoming protege Thibaut Courtois, whom many are predicting to be the man between the sticks for years to come. 

The landing of the Cup has provided a much needed relief for the Famous Five (now Four) to take a more backseat and advisorial role for the club.  Perhaps, the greatest thing about winning the Cup is that ironically the rebuilding can begin now under RDM, with full participation from the Special Ones playing the all-important role of mentors helping to imbue newcomers with a sense of what it means to play for the club.

There would be no better time than now to commence the careful dismantling of the current squad to make way for Chelsea Generation 2. There is much potential in the current crop of youngsters and players in their prime. Ramires, Ivanovic, Obi Mikel, Cahill, David Luiz, Torres and Mata represents a solid core which bridges the outgoing Special Ones to the future. It is time to rehabilitate the man-beast that is Lukaku (he is a player whom I have faith can one day grow to become Drogba version 2), develop Ryan Bertrand, Lucas Piazon (a player whom I tip to achieve greatness at the Bridge), Josh McEachran and Oriol Romeu and acquire a couple of exciting, dynamic and ambitious players into the fold. I'm thinking Eden Hazard, Keisuke Honda, Edinson Cavani, Marek Hamsik, Loic Remy or Mathieu Valbuena for starters. 

Whatever it is, the future can begin today thanks to the efforts of the Special Ones which will soon become part of a glorious past.

Thank you for the blood, sweat and tears that you have shed over the years, boys. You will all be remembered as legends. Now, go forth into the sunset. You deserve the rest. But please take a slow stroll and, along the way, guide the next generation of Chelsea players to one day become special ones ... like you once had.