Saturday, 26 January 2013

The Hazards of Time-Wasting


Unless you've been living under a coconut shell for the past 2 days or have no interest in English football (which, according to my books translate to being someone who lives under a coconut shell), you would have seen the pictures, watched the video and read countless articles of our 30 million quid blue eyed Belgian Boy, Eden Hazard kicking a ball from under the (fat) body of a Swansea ball-boy who took it upon himself to help his team "time-waste". 


According to reports, Hazard will be slapped with the minimum 3 game suspension (for a violent misconduct straight red) which, according to the FA, would be increased after they are done deliberating on the incident. 

Now, I am a Hazard fan, and yet I say bring the 3 plus plus ban on. Hazard made a (wrong) decision by lashing out, he should now take it on the chin like a man. You reap what you sow. Both him and the club shouldn't appeal. 

A few games out should give him the opportunity to recharge his batteries, reflect on life, take anger management courses or maybe partake in some community service like volunteering to be a ball-boy in some pub or Sunday league. If he plays his cards right, he could actually reap benefit from this incident to boost his image, publicity and reputation. 

His PR team / agent, if savvy, should now organize school or University visits by Hazard to talk about the pressures of the game and how it affects people and their temper. Maybe write a (very short) book / article (perhaps calling it "How To Kick That Ball, Boy"). Maybe team up with Nike or Adidas to endorse a line of high tech sports apparel for ball-boys with special rib cage padding. Maybe record a duet with that ball-boy to release a catchy Euro-techno song about the hazards (pun intended) of collecting stray balls. Maybe even go into deep reading (preferably Nietzsche, who knows when you'd suddenly find yourself debating with Joey Barton on twitter). Learn English cooking (though that would take up all of 15 minutes of his time). Team up with EA Sports to add a FIFA 13 patch where pressing a certain sequence of buttons would allow players to execute "a Hazard" and start assaulting people outside the field of play. The possibilities are endless. 

Many a time, boundless opportunities arise from a fall, most of them which wouldn't have been there had the fall not taken place initially. There is truth in the old saying "it is only through failure that we can attain future successes". I shall stop now before this turns into one of those self-help status updates on Facebook that many are fond of quoting (or plagiarising). 

So to both Hazard haters and fans alike: Stop with the over-analysing of this incident. Hazard was wrong. He shouldn't have kicked the ball from under the boy and now he's going to get his due punishment. Finito. This incident does not turn Hazard (or the ball-boy) into a villain overnight. Hazard also has not turned into a bad player overnight. Hazard will not also be just remembered for this incident in time to come. 

To Hazard (and here I am deluding myself that the lad would actually be reading this): Use this (suspension) time-out wisely. Reflect. Ponder. Grow. Bounce back harder. Become stronger. If you ever need any role model at this point in time, there's none more apt than a particular Frenchman and his infamous kung-fu kick, which should have ended his football career but instead catapulted him into legendary status when he came back hungrier, stronger and calmer than before. 

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