Give Him A Contract!

One of the most popular Chelsea chants this season, in addition to those taking the piss out of Rafa, would be the "give him a contract" aimed at Roman in relation to Lampard's out-of-contract status this summer. 

For those not in the loop, our longest-serving and loyal deputy Captain Frank Lampard runs out of contract at the end of this season. Rumour has it that the upper echelons of the club are refusing to grant him a new contract. Excuses range from him getting too old, putting on a bit, losing his pace and being part of a passing generation of Chelsea stars. 

Yesterday night, Fat Frankie scored a brace to ensure Chelsea's qualification into next season's Champions League and at the same time, broke Chelsea's all-time goalscoring record previously held by Bobby Tambling (202 goals).

With 203 goals registered in his name in a Chelsea shirt, the feat is even more impressive considering the fact that Frank is a box-to-box midfielder and one who has never really been well known for possessing silky skills or great star quality. What Frankie possess, which had been extensively analysed in a previous post, is a great determination, machine-like consistency and uncanny ability to be at the right place at the right time. In short, he possess an excellent football mind coupled with great character and work ethic.

Maldini and Zanetti have shown that you can still play at the highest level well past the 35-year mark by keeping yourself fit and healthy. Giggs have shown that this can be done in the English Premier League. Compared to some of the games geriatrics, Lamps is still a spring chicken at 34. Perhaps he may not be able to put in a full shift every single weekend anymore, but he certainly can be the calm, experienced leader who can be called upon every once in a while to provide guidance, leadership and importantly, crucial goals, when the club needs them.

Lamps may not be a guaranteed first-team starter next season, but the team can ill-afford not to have their all-time goalscorer not in the squad anymore. Therefore, to echo the millions of disillusioned and frustrated Blues out there, GIVE HIM A FUCKING CONTRACT PLEASE!!

End of An Era - An Open Farewell to the Greatest Manager of All Time

Dear Alex,

Ever since I first started watching the English Premier League, you've always been the gaffer at Old Trafford. For decades you've built teams, you've broken up teams and won shitloads of trophies and cups in the process. I've hated and admired you in equal measures. I've cursed your teams and tactics, but only because they were that bloody effective and good.

For years I've been waiting for your dynasty to crumble, for you to lose that magic touch and for your teams to f**kin' stop making those Hollywood-style comebacks that irritated the shit out of any non-United fan - I've been waiting till now and still those wishes of mine are nowhere near to coming through.

You brought an interesting concept of "time" to the English game - "squeaky bum time" and "Fergie time" being one of your more famous contributions. You've seen off many, many challengers to the managerial throne and your teams are a constant favourite for the title almost every season.

As you walked out of tunnel to the sea of red at the Theatre of Dreams, passed by the guard of honour and lapped up the bittersweet attention of millions and millions of teary-eyed fans all around the globe, I felt a sense of sadness that this would be your last ever home game as manager of Man United. It would certainly be a strange new feeling not seeing you in that familiar seat next season.

Thank you for all that you've done for the game, from the bottom of my heart. You truly have been and will be (for a long time more, I think) the greatest ever manager to have graced the beautiful game, across all leagues, all countries, all eras and all generations.

You will be deeply missed. And not just by United fans, I can assure you.

The only (slight) consolation for me is that I am not a United fan at this point in time.



   

The Last Sprint

And so we come to the final lap of the Barclay's Premier League, edition 2012/2013.

What started as a hopeful season of rebuilding (new young flair players like Hazard, Oscar, Marin and young, progressive manager in RDM) briefly turned into an over-performing promise of glory when we got off to an explosive start and played with the sort of swagger that oozed class. Heck, at one point near the beginning, even Torres was getting in amongst the goals and proving his perennial "class-is-permanent-he-just-needs-a-bit-more-time" fans (like yours truly) right.

But when the wheels come off, they do so spectacularly. A couple of bad results is all it took for the Chelsea bandwagon to fall off. Before you could finish saying Roman Abramovich, newly crowned Champions League winning manager and fan's favourite RDM was unceremoniously booted. We then sunk to lower depths with the appointment of "interim manager" Rafa "Fat Spanish Waiter" Benitez ("FSW"), whom the fans never really took to (no doubt for his links, affiliations and comments made about Chelsea as Liverpool manager). 

Ever since FSW took ever, the club has been in a limbo. Capable of putting together momentary moments of brilliance (the 8-0 humbling of Aston Villa and flashes of heroics in the Cup competitions), the team was also prone to erratic and unexplainable bad patches that was horrendous and shocking. 

And so, with 4 games left, we find ourselves neck-deep in a tussle with Arsenal and Spurs for the last 2 slots left for Champions League qualification (with United having wrapped up top spot and City most likely secured with 2nd place). From a fixture point of view, both the Gunners and Spurs look to have an easier run-in to the close of the season. This is compounded further by us still being in the running for the Europa League (after having secured a 2-1 win against Basel on Thursday) which inevitably stretches the endurance and stamina of the players further.

There's no rest for us now, and FSW has the monumental task of keeping our fight for top 4 alive whilst refreshing the squad just enough to mount a realistic attempt to snag the Europa League. 

If we manage to pull it off (top 4 and Europa League), it would at least represent a consolation of sorts for an otherwise under-performing and erratic season. If we don't achieve either objective, or worse, neither of them, then one would suspect many heads would roll.

Which leaves the fans with quite the conundrum. On one hand, a massive summer clear-out and starting afresh would be good. We wipe the slate clean and rebuild for next season (and the next and the next). On the other hand, there are many gems in the current mixed bag that may become collateral damage should we end up with nothing this season. The likes of Hazard, Mata, Luiz may be tempted to seek greener pastures if there is no Champions League football next season. And that is why it would also be good if we could snag top 4 and win the Europa League as well. 

Whichever the way the wind blows, one thing's for certain is that winds of change would be blowing in strongly come next season. But that's still more than a month away. For now, every game is a Cup final as we cheer on the boys in Blue to muster that last ounce of strength or 2nd wind for the final lap of the season.

Stay glued to your seats then.  

Prodigal Son

"But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for this, your brother, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found."

— Luke 15:32

And so we wait with bated breath for his return, his homecoming and his reclamation of a throne that has been vacant ever since he abdicated it on 20th September 2007.

Jose Mourinho may have left Chelsea for the greener pastures of Inter and Real for almost 6 years already, but his presence has never really left Stamford Bridge. The imprints he left in the hearts of Chelsea fans can still be felt and his shadow still looms upon the dressing room of the club.

Never has one man defined an era at Chelsea more than The Special One and it is certainly no surprise that his recent flutter of eyelashes in the direction of Roman Abramovich has gotten all Chelsea fans giddy with anticipation. This, of course, is compounded by the fact that the fat Spanish waiter has yet to endear himself to club supporters and results on the pitch have been patchy at best.

From beginning this season with such swashbuckling displays, Chelsea has shown erratic form and look like a team lost in transition with moments of brilliance that come ever so infrequently. From European Champions, FA Cup holders and front-runners for the title, we have now settled into only fighting for the 2nd tier Europa League, still in with a fight to defend the FA Cup and being caught up in a 3-horse race with Arsenal and Spurs for 3rd place. 

To call a spade a spade, this has been an underwhelming season filled with underachievement. If we were rebuilding the team, concentrating on long-term development and trimming the fat of star players, then such achievements may have been understandable. However, summer acquisitions from last year suggested the owner had no intentions of pulling the handbrakes on wanting instant success. 

Since then results have not gone our way, players have failed to deceive and the managerial turnstile was once again spinning as club legend Roberto Di Matteo was shown the door as early as November last year. Cue to our yearly managerial upheaval as Rafa Benitez was appointed as temp manager. 

And thus we find ourselves  where we are today: a disjointed, under-performing team with an interim manager who is not about to win any popularity contest. 

Jose Mourinho's return, if it happens, would be the best thing to befall the club in recent times. Not only is the current squad's DNA still one which he forged from his previous spell there, but now more than ever, the club needs a strong figure of authority whom the players can rally behind and give their all for. Mourinho's man-management skills need no further elaboration. 

Putting HR-qualities aside, Mourinho is an astute tactician as well. A Machiavellian who prioritizes results over style, he is perhaps the right man for the current job who can alchemize the talents of Hazard, Mata and Oscar together with the raw steel and industry that can be offered by the likes Ramires, Ivanovic, Azipili, Mikel and Cahill and complemented by the directness and force of the likes of Lamps, Ba and Victor Moses.

Further, if the club is serious in being front-runners for the title, Mourinho certainly has enough pedigree and pizzaz to take on the likes of Fergie and Mancini. 

Add that to the fact that Stamford Bridge was once his kingdom, he knows the history, the people and the culture of the club inside out, he doesn't need time for the fans to take to him (something he would need at a brand new club) and he has (several) properties in London, there is no better place for him than to come back home.

In a nutshell, Chelsea could do no better than to get back at all cost the man they once called the Special One. Forget all the other big names in football. All Roman needs to do is keep his ego in check, take out the chequebook and give the fans this big name signing they have been waiting for since 2007.

Rise of the Planet of the Bale

If I was asked to name the biggest regret I have this season, as a follower of the EPL, it would be forgetting to put on record or publicly my belief that the wonderkid from Cardiff would emerge as the brightest star in the English game this season. 

Friends and acquaintances of mine who have had the (dis)pleasure of discussing footie-related matters with me can attest to my admiration of this Welsh wizard's power, pace and technical abilities ever since last season. 

This would have made a fantastic "I TOLD YOU SO" post, but alas, due to my failure to put down that prediction and put money where my mouth is, I am now just but one of the millions of writers in this world lavishing superlative after praise for Gareth Bale in light of his recent purple patch that has seen him score 3 braces in 4 consecutive weeks.

Fans and even casual observers of the game used to only remember him as that player who looked like an extra from the set of Planet of the Apes who forgot to remove his make-up and costume. But in just a matter of a few seasons, look who's monkeying his way into footballing folklore now, folks. 

If you hear monkey chants at a Spurs game, it may not always be Adebayor they're targetting.

Whether men came from apes or not, Gareth Bale has certainly evolved (pardon the pun) from his humble beginnings at Saints as an industrious left-back who loved the occasional overlap to a bona fide electrifying left winger whose many drifts and cuts in-filed has left many defences in cold sweat (ask Maicon) and keepers fearing when the next thunderbolt from his left foot would come (ask Jaaskelainen). 

Say what you want about AVB's new-and-improved Spurs compact formation or Dembele's combative-yet-creative spark in the middle of the park, but it certainly cannot be denied that whatever the vehicle that is taking Tottenham up the table, it is powered by Bale-fuel. 

The ides of March have barely begun and speculation over a summer transfer to either Real or Barca has already been rife. City, United, PSG and Chelsea are also rumoured to be in the chase to land this hotshot. Realistically, Madrid looks his most likely destination, but which true-Blue out there is not secretly yearning to see him tear up and down the Bridge wreaking havoc across defences every other week? 

Since Chelsea's chances for any semblance of success this season has all but evaporated, thinking ahead and planning for the future has become a Chelsea fan's only fruitful activity left. At this point in time, here's my take on how we can steady the ship and (hopefully) launch a bid for the EPL and Champs Lge next season:

1. Recall Drogba 2.0, sorry I meant Lukaku, from West Brom. I've said it before and I'll say it again: had Lukaku been blooded in regularly this season, we wouldn't have had to go out to buy Demba Ba as a stop-gap for Torres (this lad's problem is so complicated that it requires a full post on its own so let's not go there) and we'd have easily scored 10-12 more goals than we have all season at this stage. I rate him VERY highly and I'm glad his goals for Steve Clarke have now made many other Chelsea fans wake up from their oblivious state to a gem right under our noses.  

2. Continue developing the likes of Azpilicueta, Bertrand, Nathan Ake, Oscar, Lucas Piazon, Marin and Moses. These players need 1-2 more seasons before they will hit top form. Out of the lot, Oscar and Azpili have shown that they have the mettle and stomache to take on the English game despite their Latin and Spanish backgrounds. 

3. Sign him up, please. Yes, I'm talking about Frank Lampard. He's scored loads this season. He's pulled Chelsea out of draws and losing positions single-handedly many times too. He has experience. He is still fit. What else does he need to do to show Roman that he's worth it still at this age? To echo the fans in the terraces: SIGN HIM UP!

4. Get a class defensive midfielder. No offense to Mikel or Ramires or Romeu, all 3 who are wonderful in their own ways but sadly nowhere near a Makelele. One of our biggest setbacks this season is that we lack a leader in the middle of the park who could screen, read the game, calm things down and shield the back 4. There were rumours of Andrea Pirlo being earmarked for this role but let's face it, he's probably slightly over the hill now. Chelsea's top priority this summer should be someone in this mould but sprightlier. Vidal or Marchisio of Juventus? If we're talking budget, then we can look no further than Marouane Fellaini, who has impressed tremendously this season. 

5. Marquee signings: Gareth Bale and/or Falcao. Yes, they cost a lot of money and yes, sometimes they do turn out to be flops. But if you get a marquee signing right, it can be just the right tonic to inspire and invigorate an entire team to play on a higher level altogether. Look at what Van Persie has done to United this season. Falcao is simply the most deadly striker in Europe today. Bale is simply the winger who has perfectly combined power and pace best this season. He is the alternative to Cristiano Ronaldo. Get them both to dovetail with Mata & Hazard, and you'd have an attack that would tear any team in Europe a new posterior  each time they take to the field. Money will be a big object and I am never a fan of splurge signings, but since Roman is intent on his spending spree, then at least splurge on the right players. Bale and/or Falcao. 

Well, let's enjoy the last 2 months till the conclusion of the season. 

   

The Hazards of Time-Wasting

Unless you've been living under a coconut shell for the past 2 days or have no interest in English football (which, according to my books translate to being someone who lives under a coconut shell), you would have seen the pictures, watched the video and read countless articles of our 30 million quid blue eyed Belgian Boy, Eden Hazard kicking a ball from under the (fat) body of a Swansea ball-boy who took it upon himself to help his team "time-waste". 

According to reports, Hazard will be slapped with the minimum 3 game suspension (for a violent misconduct straight red) which, according to the FA, would be increased after they are done deliberating on the incident. 

Now, I am a Hazard fan, and yet I say bring the 3 plus plus ban on. Hazard made a (wrong) decision by lashing out, he should now take it on the chin like a man. You reap what you sow. Both him and the club shouldn't appeal. 

A few games out should give him the opportunity to recharge his batteries, reflect on life, take anger management courses or maybe partake in some community service like volunteering to be a ball-boy in some pub or Sunday league. If he plays his cards right, he could actually reap benefit from this incident to boost his image, publicity and reputation. 

His PR team / agent, if savvy, should now organize school or University visits by Hazard to talk about the pressures of the game and how it affects people and their temper. Maybe write a (very short) book / article (perhaps calling it "How To Kick That Ball, Boy"). Maybe team up with Nike or Adidas to endorse a line of high tech sports apparel for ball-boys with special rib cage padding. Maybe record a duet with that ball-boy to release a catchy Euro-techno song about the hazards (pun intended) of collecting stray balls. Maybe even go into deep reading (preferably Nietzsche, who knows when you'd suddenly find yourself debating with Joey Barton on twitter). Learn English cooking (though that would take up all of 15 minutes of his time). Team up with EA Sports to add a FIFA 13 patch where pressing a certain sequence of buttons would allow players to execute "a Hazard" and start assaulting people outside the field of play. The possibilities are endless. 

Many a time, boundless opportunities arise from a fall, most of them which wouldn't have been there had the fall not taken place initially. There is truth in the old saying "it is only through failure that we can attain future successes". I shall stop now before this turns into one of those self-help status updates on Facebook that many are fond of quoting (or plagiarising). 

So to both Hazard haters and fans alike: Stop with the over-analysing of this incident. Hazard was wrong. He shouldn't have kicked the ball from under the boy and now he's going to get his due punishment. Finito. This incident does not turn Hazard (or the ball-boy) into a villain overnight. Hazard also has not turned into a bad player overnight. Hazard will not also be just remembered for this incident in time to come. 

To Hazard (and here I am deluding myself that the lad would actually be reading this): Use this (suspension) time-out wisely. Reflect. Ponder. Grow. Bounce back harder. Become stronger. If you ever need any role model at this point in time, there's none more apt than a particular Frenchman and his infamous kung-fu kick, which should have ended his football career but instead catapulted him into legendary status when he came back hungrier, stronger and calmer than before. 

Frankly Speaking

Oops, he's done it again (for the umpteenth time).

In last night's 4-0 rout of Stoke City at the Britannia, Fat Frankie (a moniker he earned in his days as a Hammer) got in amongst the goals. Whilst some would argue that it was from a spotkick, none can argue his instrumental influence and role in that landslide victory. Pulling the strings in the engine room, endlessly running about and providing a calm centre of authority from which the creative likes of Hazard and Mata launched wave after wave of Blue attacks from, Lamps put in (again, for the umpteenth time) a shift that was consistently above average in all areas of the field. 

And so has been the story of his 12 years plus of service to Chelsea. When he joined the club in 2001, he was a no-frills, box-to-box midfielder who had great stamina, superb positioning sense and a keen eye for goal from a late run into the box. Today, amidst all the talk of his imminent departure, he is still a no-frills, box-to-box midfielder who has great stamina, superb positioning sense and a keen eye for goal from a late run into the box. The only difference being that in the 12 years or so of doing the same thing week in, week out, Frank became an integral spine of a team that has won a couple of league titles, several domestic cups and an European Cup.

Many a Stamford Bridge faithful strongly believe that a picture of Lamps kissing his badge ought to appear in the dictionary next to the word "consistency". Looking back at his track record, one can't argue with them, despite his languid demeanour and apparent laidback air he brings about him. 

Lampard may not be capable of Braveheart-levels of inspirational drive from midfield as Stevie G, may not snarl or compete as fiercely as Rooney, may not embody the stubborn British air of never-say-die as his Captain John Terry, may not possess the technical abilities of his more gifted companions such as Wilshere, Scholes or even Joe Cole, but he is undoubtedly one of the few complete English footballers around in ways none of the few aforesaid can match. 

He isn't exceptionally good in one particular area of play or skill, but he is slightly above average in all departments.  One can argue that it isn't hard to be consistently above average. But to do that in all areas of your game, every game, for 12 over years, is no easy feat. Lamps has done it for as long as he has been a professional footballer.

As such, it is easy to see why he is viewed as a Stamford Bridge legend by many. It is even easier to see why many a Chelsea fan has been left disillusioned by the club's refusal to agree terms with him on a new contract.

From the club's point of view, he is 34 and pushing into his twilight years. It's purely business. They reckoned that the wages spent securing the services of an ageing legend would be financially more prudent if pumped into securing the services of a couple of brighter young stars. It makes for practical economic sense but they have seriously underestimated his non-playing value here, in my opinion. 

Last May when we won the Champions League, I wrote about the need for a reinvention and the breaking up of the old guard. In my post-celebratory article, I called for a subtle phasing out of the 5 stalwarts as we seek to rebuild a new generation of a sustainable young empire. From that 5, Drogba has gone to the Far East to seek greener pastures. Cech still looks like he has a couple of years left at the top thanks to his goalkeeping position being less affected by the ravages of age. Ashley Cole, a mercenary-at-heart, appeared the most poised to leave either due to a lack of new contract agreed upon or a lucrative deal being offered by either a Gulf team, PSG, City, Anzhi, the far East or the MLS. 

It was in Lamps and Terry that I had hoped who would transition from on-field legends to coaching or even boardroom heroes. I had hoped that both of them would accept slightly lesser game time but still continue being retained in the first team for the wealth of experience and leadership they would be able to impart upon the younger ones, playing a Giggs or Scholes type role. 

Sadly, not everyone at the club shared this view and as Lampard's current predicament suggests, Chelsea's way or running the club still appears very short term and with little regard for empire-building. By signing Lampard on for another couple of seasons, the club would no doubt incur some heavy wage bill. They may argue there the cost-value-analysis in such a situation does not make sense. However, such thinking is myopic to the value which they can't quantify in terms of points or minutes on the pitch. It is his character and personality that they would be essentially paying for.

In my opinion, Chelsea's inability to recognize the value of having an experienced head with the rare ability to be ultra-consistent over a massive period of time would be a massive loss to the club. A player with the rare combination of Lampard's work ethic, attitude, intelligence, experience, drive and personality comes once in a couple of blue moons. No amount of trainers, coaches, managers, sports psychologists, motivators or fitness trainers would be able to replicate the impact Frankie would be able to have on the younger players everyday in the dressing room, training grounds and on the pitch.

And that, frankly speaking, is what's troubling me. 

For these reasons, I hereby join in the millions of fans of this phenomenal legend in pleading to the club: give him a new contract, for frank's sake.